Speaking of sex...

Okay, I should have known that that phrase would eventually envoke a laugh fest. And it did.

We were talking about something that had to do with sex, when I said, "Speaking of sex." Then I continued, "Remember that guy my friend Jim wanted to set me up with? His name is Leo."

So, you see, my remarks were really not about sex, but Millie and Sammy immediately thought I was thinking about sex with Leo. I said that my reference to sex was only that I'm a woman and Leo was a man and that's it. The explaination didn't help...it was funny and that's that.

I guess you had to be there, but it really was funny.

Other than that today was a day to mock the world.

What got us started is our favorite summertime lunch spot is finally serving lunch. So when we drove past it we noted that it was busy with many out of shape customers.

Is that a bad of us?

That was just the beginning in a string of insults hurled at the innocent.

We couldn't help but comment about, "funny looking hair" man. We see him walking on the street from time to time and his hair cut is awful. Kinda short on the top and long everywhere else. Hmmm, I guess you could call it a reverse mullet.

Then, we passed "funny looking hair" woman. She had two braids on either side of her head and, I think, a pony tail in the back. Come on...that's just not right.

Finally, "skinny, flamboyantly gay" man was sitting on a bench. You can help but comment on him. Now we're not homophobic, but he's strange, so we just couldn't help ourselves.

Okay, now that I've made us sound like completely horrible people, I' close.

We promise to be less mean next time.

Why do cows lay down when it's about to rain?

This question is something we tried to Google, but no definitive answer was found. HELP! Does anyone know why?

Are they trying to keep a section of the field dry? Do they have joint problems that flare up during high humdity? We just don't know.

This question also reminded us of the time we had to call my sister to ask about cows. Cows by the way are females while males would be bulls. So much confusion!

Lunch today was a Quiznos. We'll give them a plug since they just opened. One complaint from the group though was that the writing on the menu is so small, it's hard to read. Was that turkey or chicken I had today...hmmmm.

Today, we had to swing by Sammy's house to see the new landscaping she and her family did. Very nice.

Okay...no too exciting today, but that's the way it goes on a drizzly Monday.

Until tomorrow.

Today we ventured out of town to our favorite Mexican restaurant.

At the restaurant it's always a treat to have the free chips and salsa while you wait for your meal. Well, Tina ordered cheese to dip the corn chips in and we thought Mille was going to have a spasm attack. She didn't know you could order cheese sauce for your chips. Sadly, while Millie LOVES cheese, it does not love her.

Now if Millie's excitment wasn't enough, Sammy took a dip of the cheese sauce and exclaimed, "I love this damn, friggin cheese sauce." Need we say more about the cheese sauce?

We are all adult women, but for some reason, food was flying everywhere today. Sammy was the first to notice that she got grease on her shirt, then noticed that her menu was spattered with the "damn, friggin cheese sauce."

As Millie grabbed her Tide To Go Stick for Sammy, she noticed that she, too had "goobered" on herself. Her's was the "damn, friggin cheese sauce." Apparently, cheese sauce doesn't love Millie in more ways than one. And, to Millie's dismay, the "damn, friggin cheese sauce" had landed on her boob (note that last week she had a similar boob problem).

If that's not enough, I then noticed salsa on my white shirt - in the boob area. Come on!

We should do a commercial for the Tide To Go Stick. We all used it and it worked wonders, especially on the "damn, friggin cheese sauce."

Another interesting converstaion ensued today on the word "luscious." Sammy hates that word, she thinks it sounds sexual. Hmmmm. You be the judge.

Okay another luscious blog is complete. Ole.

It was a small lunch crowd today, just me and Sammy.

On the way out the door we were talking about how dirty our cars were. I noted that my car was "well pollenated." You see, I park my car under a tree and the pollen from said tree is covering my car. Not too pretty!

Sammy had a good idea about having loose meat crumble burgers at a local hamburger joint for lunch. Good call!

While waiting for our burgers, we got our drinks and decided that the huge chunks of ice in the drinks looked like icebergs. Really...the ice was huge. We decided that they were "Titanic" drinks since they came with icebergs.

Then the preplexing question was raised. Where do baby birds come from? Sammy's son asked her this question and darned if we knew the answer. Why don't we know things like this?

So, our question to all of you...where do baby birds come from? We know that they hatch from eggs, but do birds "do it"? Do the female birds sit on the egg or do the male birds sit on the egg? So many questions, so few answers? I guess we could Google it, but it's much more fun to ask the fans of our blog.

Another good topic...ketchup vs. mayonaise. While eating our delicious crumble burgers, I noted that I made much more of a mess than Sammy. Our conclusion was that because she had mayonaise on her sandwich, which is tackier, her's held together better. I on the other hand had ketchup, which is slipperier, permitting the crumble burger to live up to its messy name.

Wow...that's a pretty impression post for only have a couple of people at lunch today. Until tomorrow...

Holy cow. Our minds work in mysterious ways.

Today, our lunch ended with us deciding to open our own store called "Big Nips Fluff N' Spritz." Believe me, I don't think you want to know where that name came from. It has something to do with women's body parts and people who pay way too much attention to the wrong things.

Either way, the thought of "Big Nips Fluff N'Spritz" brought us to tears laughing so hard. Does anyone have some mascara we can borrow?

I spoke today of maybe having lunch one day at the Shake and Bake, to which Sammy responded, "It's not Shake and Bake, it's the Twist and Shout."

The real name of this little restaurant is the Twist and Shake. Can you see where we would get confused?

It was another an interesting lunch outing today, much of the time was spent waiting for Sammy at the bank and at the dry cleaners. But, it gave me time to pull out my Brady Bunch cassette, pop it in the stereo and jam out to "Sunshine Day" by the original Brady Bunch. Rock on!

By the way, still no golf clubs. UPS still hasn't delivered them and I'm still not too happy with them. Golfsmith has come through for me though. They're overnighting another set of clubs - to heck with the other set!

Til tomorrow...tah!

Another lunch, another silly moment.

Today Julia, who is pregnant, took a sip of my Pepsi, then I took a sip and told the group I thought I was pregnant now. Get it...I drank from the same cup...germs...ha, ha? Okay, it's not so funny now, but at the time, it was a real knee slapper.

On the drive to lunch today, Sammy was a little tense. Yelling at a truck for having its turn signal on, then complaining about a bizzare "fuzzy thing" in the back window of a van. Clearly she's been under too much stress lately.

As we mentioned, we usually have to Google something after lunch. Today, it was Fed Ex's Purple Promise. The reason for having to look it up is work-related, but adding this to our blog allows us to include more links.

We've heard that having links in your blog can increase its visibility. Is it working?

Millie provided some comic releif today after getting some oil on her boob from her lunch. She pulled out her Tide To Go Stick (look at that, another link) and "poof" all gone. That's really not the funny part, the funny part is that Millie asked us more than once to look at her boob so we could see the magic of the Tide Stick. We had to comment that we had never looked a her boobs so much.

On a more serious note, we did start talking about the death penalty. Julia found a surprising article on the BBC's Web Site (another link...yahoo! Wait, can yahoo be a link to Yahoo?). After talking it over we decided that politics if off limits for lunch converstaions. We like to keep it light.

It's been a stressful day, I ordered some new golf clubs from Golfsmith and for some reason, the shipment has been delayed. It came from Texas on April 21, made it to Illinois, then went back to Texas. Hmmmm. I live in New York, that makes no sense. So the new arrival date was to be today. Sammy flagged down a UPS man near my house to see if he had a shipment for me, but no luck. This begs the question, is this UPS's fault or Golfsmith's?

Sad, but true. We don't have much to talk about today.

The most dramatic event during lunch was running into our friend we call "Mr. Cockypants." Now, just because we call him that doesn't mean we don't like him. It's a term of endearment...really. We started calling him Mr. Cockypants during our bowling league after he struted around after bowling strikes. Puh-leez!

Because Mr. Cockypants was his usual self, I had to ask the cashier at the store to charge him extra "attitude tax" because of his cocky behavior. She liked the idea and said she'd like to charge some of her other customers the "attitude tax."

It was another nice day so the park was our dining destination. The conversation was mostly work-related and not really worth sharing.

Although it is worth noting that Sammy's Cherry Dr. Pepper exploded upon opening, but the spill was contained to her area (thank goodness Millie thought enough to bring extra paper towels).

Oh...also noted: Sammy was able to drive her car out of the park parking lot without touching the gas pedal. How cool is that? We looked a little silly putt putting along, but we needed to know if it could be done.

Until tomorrow...

Poor Millie. She volunteers to drive us to lunch today and gets nothing but of bunch of back-seat drivers telling her how to drive. "Turn here." "Slow down."

I'm not sure Millie will ever recover and it's for certain that she'll think twice about driving at lunchtime again.

Something we must mention about our lunch today is "fast walker." He's a guy who walks unusally fast (apparently for exercise) and it seems that where ever we go...he's there. Coincidence? We're just not sure. But, it's ironic that we're usually stuffing our faces full of food when he whisks by.

The sun is finally out, so we had our first outdoor lunch. And, being in the Northeast, some of us returned from lunch with sunburns after being out for just a brief time. Good bye snow bunnies!

Sammy told a funny story today about a converstaion with her father who called her at work today to talk about her mother's hair. Now, I can tell you this is a conversation that my father would never have with me.

Sammy's father was concerned about his wife's hair. He had styled it for her the day before and she received many complements, but the next day she did the same da** thing. What to do? I guess it's something Sammy and her father will have to work out.

While eating, we decided to open a new restaurant called the "Salty Egg." It came about after Millie suggested to Sammy that she eat her egg salad sandwich with potato chips. You know, it's really funny how our minds work...always looking for a new enterprise.

And finally, there's the tale to tell about Millie searching for a photo op. She asked me if I would do her a favor and climb into a children's playhouse and stick my face into a cutout of a dog's face so she could take a picture with her camera.

Ummm, no thanks.

Millie wasn't giving up. She asked Julia, "Will you do me a favor?" To which Julia was quick to respond, "No." Julia then asked what the favor was. It was the same question Millie asked me...playhouse...face...photo. Again, Julia said, "No."

Strike two.

Ah, but wait, she hadn't yet asked Sammy.

Now, keep in mind, this is in a public place, people are eating nearby and it's a busy road with cars passing every minute. When Sammy was asked the same question, she didn't hesitate. She backed into the very small playhouse and stuck her face in the dog cutout. Now that's a friend.

More lunch tales tomorrow.